COLD TEMPERATURES IMPROVE FIREWORKS? / GUESS THESE'LL BE THE BEST FIREWORKS EVER
[ Citation; also, helpful hints. ]
A CIVIC SURVIVAL GUIDE
COLD TEMPERATURES IMPROVE FIREWORKS? / GUESS THESE'LL BE THE BEST FIREWORKS EVER
[ Citation; also, helpful hints. ]
WHY WAIT ON YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS? / YOU CAN START ROBBING PHARMACIES TODAY
[ Citations: 1 (PDF), 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Note this point from the coverage, an Actual Quote: ]
OKAY, ACT SURPRISED WHEN I TELL YOU THIS / OUR POLICE LOST A TASER CARTRIDGE
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4. ]
SURELY WE SHALL DOMINATE THE RATINGS / ONCE WE PROMISE THE PUBLIC ROD STEWART
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, and... really, guys? Really? ]
[ The final Reader Submissions segment of 2010, strange as that may seem: ]
GET CRAP FOR CHRISTMAS? / LIST IT ON KIJIJI WITHIN MINUTES
UP TO MINUS TEN / MUST BE SNOWSTORMS COMING
STARLIGHT TOUR / WAS A LIE
SET UP SHOP ON SELKIRK AVENUE / GET STABBED!
WINNIPEG / HANDOUTS ARE HOW SHIT GETS DONE AROUND HERE .. WHO WANTS A MILLION
BOXING DAY SALES / LINE UP IN COLD FOR DEALS THAT WERE ON INTERNET 2 DAYS AGO
GO TO CHRISTMAS PARTY / GET STABBED
[ Reader Submissions from the Winnipeg Cat Meme Generator will continue to feature well into the next year and beyond. Don't drink too much on New Year's! (Ah, who are we kidding.) ]
PEACE ON EARTH AND GOODWILL TO MEN / EXCEPT FOR REGINA. REGINA CAN SUCK IT
MICE GET INTO YOUR CAR? / WRITEOFF
[ Citation. ]
THE FIRST FIRE IN THAT HOUSE WAS ARSON / BUT THAT SECOND FIRE, MAN, WE HAVE NO IDEA
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]
[ Settle your brains for a long winter's Reader Submissions: ]
WE HEAT OUR HOUSES / WITH OUR OWN ANGER
COUNCIL THINKS STADIUM IS A GREAT DEAL / I'VE GOT A '77 FORD PINTO FOR THEM
OUR HOCKEY TEAMS HAVE HAD CHEERLEADERS FOR 25 YEARS / THEY'RE CALLED "DANCING GABE"
MANITOBA / WELFARE KEEPS US AFLOAT
STADIUM! STADIUM! / OUR DIGNITY (AND TAX DOLLARS) FOR A STADIUM!
GO TO CHRISTMAS DINNER / LISTEN TO UNCLE COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING THAT THE PAWLEY GOVERNMENT DID
MY NAME IS / MAUD
[ With Reader Submissions so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be the Winnipeg Cat Meme Generator. ]
IMPRESS YOUR GUESTS AT YOUR NEXT FUNCTION / PUT OUT YOUR FINEST GLASSES FROM DOMO
[ Citation. ]
LYING PUBLICLY ABOUT POLICE MISCONDUCT / IS PROBABLY NOT ONE'S WISEST CAREER MOVE
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]
YOU SAY "PO-TAY-TO" AND I SAY "PO-TAH-TO" / YOU SAY "CANTALOUPE" AND I SAY "DEATHTRAP"
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ]
MANITOBA HOMECOMING 2010 / ENDS AS IT BEGAN: JUST MAKING SHIT UP
[ Citation. ]
THE LOCAL HOODLUMS HAVE ADVANCED / TO CARTOON SUPERVILLAINRY
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4. For an interesting media studies extracurricular, consider how each outlet handles the photo credits. ]
[ Good tidings we bring to you and your Reader Submissions: ]
SANTA'S NOT AT CITY PLACE / HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MUGGED
GIVE MONEY TO THE HUMAN RIGHTS MUSEUM / BE REASSURED THAT YOU ARE NOT RACIST
BULLET HOLES IN MY WINDOW? / LET ME PUT SOME TINFOIL IN THAT.
CLOVERLEAFS / NOT THE PLACE TO STOP
BUS FARE: $2.35 / PINEAPPLE: $1.99
TURN 16, PICK-UP [sic] A DRUNKEN COUGAR STUMBLING OUT OF 'THE PAL / A WINNIPEG RIGHT [sic] OF PASSAGE
THE NORTH END IS SINKIN' / AND I DON'T WANT TO SWIM
[ Reader Submissions convey all the sentiment of the season from the Winnipeg Cat Meme Generator. ]
NEIL YOUNG IN A MANITOBA MOOSE HAT / IS AS NONSENSICAL AND AS FUNNY AS IT SOUNDS
[ Citation. He was attending a hockey game in San Jose, in an example of more context making less sense. ]
[ Not counting the crossposts of the concept's original batches, today marks the first anniversary of the site's daily content. Happy Birthday, Winnipeg Cat! ]
CELEBRATING ONE FULL YEAR OF DAILY UPDATES / (AND AN AVERAGE OF FIVE LAUGHS PER YEAR || BY READING THE WHOLE ARCHIVE PISS DRUNK || AND ROUGHLY 364 DAYS SINCE THE GAG GOT OLD || THE WINNIPEG WAY: BY RESENTING SUCCESS || IS THE CAT TALKING? IS THAT THE JOKE? || AND HERE'S TO ANOTHER YEA--HEY, COME BACK)
LOCAL WORKER STRIKE THREATENS BEER SUPP-- / OH, FOR MOOSEHEAD? PFFT, NEVER MIND, THEN
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]
POLICE MAY OR MAY NOT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN / GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3 ]
HAMMERED IN A WALMART AT 5:00 A.M. / TRYING TO HAGGLE THE PRICE ON SNOW SPRAY
[ Citation. ]
[ Not known for its festive spirit, this is a little segment we like to call "Reader Submissions": ]
NOT HANDING OUT ENOUGH TICKETS / DRESS LIKE BUMS
IT'S NOT COLD / UNLESS I GET FROSTBITE
PAY $600 FOR U OF M PARKING SPOT / WALK 20 MINUTES ANYWAY
FULL STOPS / ARE FOR SUCKERS
GOTTA TAKE A DRIVE TO PICK UP WEED? / TAKE SHOTS OF 45% CROWN ROYAL!
BOXING DAY STORE HOURS / WILL TEAR US APART
2010 / WTF WHERE DID IT GO
[ Reader Submissions feature here each Monday, delivered as always through the Winnipeg Cat Meme Generator. ]