JULY 24th, 2010

OUR COPS CAN'T HANDLE TASER CARTRIDGES

AND WE'RE BUYING THEM A HELICOPTER
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ]

JULY 23rd, 2010

SELL BOOZE / WATCH NEARBY RESTAURANTS DIE OFF
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. The Kraut King closes today, so get down there while you can. ]

JULY 22nd, 2010

IF YOU'RE COMING TO GET ME / CAN YOU BRING ME SOME SMOKES
[ Citation. ]

JULY 21st, 2010

VIOLENT CRIME / CAPITAL OF CANADA

ALSO THE HOMICIDE CAPITAL / (AMONG CITIES GREATER THAN 200,000 PEOPLE;

DOUBLE THE / NATIONAL AVERAGE

THE SEVERITY RATES OF CALGARY AND TORONTO / COMBINED

WINNIPEG! / CANADA'S DOUBLE RAINBOW OF VIOLENCE

ABBOTSFORD-MISSION IS #1, ALTHOUGH MANITOBA REMAINS
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 ]
THE DEADLIEST PROVINCE)

JULY 20th, 2010

THAT CAR BELONGS TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER / STEAL IT ANYWAY
[ Citation. ]

JULY 19th, 2010

CRASH YOUR CAR INTO A SOUTH OSBORNE BUILDING

DESPITE SOUTH OSBORNE BEING A STRAIGHT LINE
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

JULY 19th, PART II -- Seven Reader Submissions

BRITISH COLUMBIANS OWN THE FORT GARRY BREWING COMPANY
[ Please rise for the singing of our Reader Submissions: ]
CLAIM REFUGEE STATUS / FROM NORTH MAIN

GO TO CABIN / GET DRUNK, STARE AT FIRE

CHECK RENT PRICES IN OTHER CITIES / NEVER DREAM OF MOVING AGAIN

EVERY BOMBER GAME / IS A RIVALRY GAME

PRETEND IT'S LOCAL ANYWAY

WITH ALL THESE STABBINGS [WHY SO SERIOUS?]

WE MIGHT HAVE A JOKER COPYCAT ON OUR HANDS

NAME EVERYTHING / AFTER EVERYONE
[ Thrill to the Reader Submissions segment, every Monday, presented via the Winnipeg Cat Meme Generator. ]

JULY 18th, 2010

SAFETY PERMITS ARE FOR CHUMPS / HOPE TRANSCONA LIKES ASBESTOS
[ Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4 ]