Wednesday

OCTOBER 27th, 2010 -- Special Election Edition

[ Today is the Winnipeg Civic Election, so please welcome your Mayoral candidates one last time before you cast your all-important ballot: ]


REMEMBER MY 2006 PROMISES? / NEITHER DO I

WE CAN FIX OUR TRANSIT SYSTEM / WITH ECONOMIC PROTECTIONISM

PROMISE TO ESTABLISH A GAY VILLAGE / WATCH MEDIA IGNORE ALL YOUR OTHER IDEAS

SWITCH TO SOLAR STREET LIGHTS / THERE, BUDGET BALANCED

UNION SUPPORT IS ALWAYS NEFARIOUS / EXCEPT FOR MINE

ANNOUNCE TAX INCREASE / EXPECT POPULAR SUPPORT

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ELECTED / TO GET THROWN OUT OF YOUR OFFICE

NOT INVITED / TO DEBATES

OPPONENT WILL RIP THROUGH MONEY / LIKE SOCCER CLEATS THROUGH A KID'S FACE

DENOUNCE OPPONENT'S ROBOCALLS / THEN IMMEDIATELY BEGIN ROBOCALLING

HIT ON MARLO (LIKE A BOSS) / GET REJECTED (LIKE A BOSS)

IF YOU CAN'T JOIN SOCIETY / PLEASE LEAVE

SECRET / DOCUMENTS

NOBODY TOUGHER ON CRIME / AND BY "CRIME", I MEAN "FLAVOURED CIGARILLOS"

HAIR / THE CANADIAN POLITICAL LOVE-ROCK MUSICAL

I KNOW IT'S SPELLED LIKE "GROSS" / BUT IT'S ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED "POLLOCK"

ANYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE / WAS THE PROVINCE'S FAULT

[JWL rambling forever, an Actual Quote no less.]

LITTLE DO THEY REALIZE / I HAVE ALL THE MOMENTUM GOING IN

THE BEST WAY TO SELECT A MAYOR IS / BY WHO LOOKS MOST LIKE PAUL KARIYA

IN MY SIX YEARS, I'VE ACCOMPLISHED... / ...UH...

ROOT / CAUSES

MY POWER LEVEL IS INCREDIBLE / KAMEHAMEHA

TWO PER CENT OF THE VOTE / WILL BE CONSIDERED A SUCCESS
[ In conclusion: ]
OCTOBER 27TH, MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!!

...WHO AM I KIDDING, HALF OF YOU DON'T VOTE

8 comments:

  1. probably the best winnipeg cat EVER.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is, without a doubt, Winnipeg Cat's magnum opus.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You sir, are Titan amongst men.

    No one at this Starbucks gets why i am laughing so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Can I vote for the cat? It seems like the best choice.

    ReplyDelete