[ Today is the Winnipeg Civic Election, so please welcome your Mayoral candidates one last time before you cast your all-important ballot: ]
REMEMBER MY 2006 PROMISES? / NEITHER DO I
WE CAN FIX OUR TRANSIT SYSTEM / WITH ECONOMIC PROTECTIONISM
PROMISE TO ESTABLISH A GAY VILLAGE / WATCH MEDIA IGNORE ALL YOUR OTHER IDEAS
SWITCH TO SOLAR STREET LIGHTS / THERE, BUDGET BALANCED
UNION SUPPORT IS ALWAYS NEFARIOUS / EXCEPT FOR MINE
ANNOUNCE TAX INCREASE / EXPECT POPULAR SUPPORT
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ELECTED / TO GET THROWN OUT OF YOUR OFFICE
NOT INVITED / TO DEBATES
OPPONENT WILL RIP THROUGH MONEY / LIKE SOCCER CLEATS THROUGH A KID'S FACE
DENOUNCE OPPONENT'S ROBOCALLS / THEN IMMEDIATELY BEGIN ROBOCALLING
HIT ON MARLO (LIKE A BOSS) / GET REJECTED (LIKE A BOSS)
IF YOU CAN'T JOIN SOCIETY / PLEASE LEAVE
SECRET / DOCUMENTS
NOBODY TOUGHER ON CRIME / AND BY "CRIME", I MEAN "FLAVOURED CIGARILLOS"
HAIR / THE CANADIAN POLITICAL LOVE-ROCK MUSICAL
I KNOW IT'S SPELLED LIKE "GROSS" / BUT IT'S ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED "POLLOCK"
ANYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE / WAS THE PROVINCE'S FAULT
[JWL rambling forever, an Actual Quote no less.]
LITTLE DO THEY REALIZE / I HAVE ALL THE MOMENTUM GOING IN
THE BEST WAY TO SELECT A MAYOR IS / BY WHO LOOKS MOST LIKE PAUL KARIYA
IN MY SIX YEARS, I'VE ACCOMPLISHED... / ...UH...
ROOT / CAUSES
MY POWER LEVEL IS INCREDIBLE / KAMEHAMEHA
TWO PER CENT OF THE VOTE / WILL BE CONSIDERED A SUCCESS
[ In conclusion: ]
OCTOBER 27TH, MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!!
...WHO AM I KIDDING, HALF OF YOU DON'T VOTE
Wednesday
OCTOBER 27th, 2010 -- Special Election Edition
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probably the best winnipeg cat EVER.
ReplyDeleteThis is, without a doubt, Winnipeg Cat's magnum opus.
ReplyDeleteBest ever!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Well executed! Almost spot on!
ReplyDeleteYou sir, are Titan amongst men.
ReplyDeleteNo one at this Starbucks gets why i am laughing so hard.
Can I vote for the cat? It seems like the best choice.
ReplyDelete