OCTOBER 4th, 2011 -- Special Election Edition

[ Today is the 40th Manitoba General Election, so please welcome your candidates for Premier one last time before you cast that all-important ballot: ]

THIS MEAN-SPIRITED, ACCUSATORY CAMPAIGN / IS DEDICATED TO JACK LAYTON'S MEMORY

HOME-RENOVATION AND FITNESS TAX CREDITS / WORKED FOR HARPER, SO I FIGURE, HELL, SURE

POLLING AT SEVEN PER CENT / IT COULD... IT COULD BE WORSE

GOT THIRTY-TWO CANDIDATES / ENOUGH TO WIN

NEVER YOU MIND ABOUT BRIAN SINCLAIR / LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BUDDY MARK KEANE

OH, I SEE. YOU ALL LOVE THE JETS NOW. / THAT'S GREAT. YEAH. REAL FUNNY, GUYS.

ONLY THREE SEATS AWAY / FROM OFFICIAL PARTY STATUS

ONLY NEED FOUR SEATS FOR PARTY STATUS / LET'S DO THIS

THIRD PLACE IN THE PERSONAL POLLING / TWENTY-ONE POINTS BEHIND GARY DOER

OUR BUDGET IS KIND OF LIKE THEIR BUDGET / EXCEPT IT TAKES TWICE AS LONG, SO IT'S BETTER

IT'S SORT OF LIKE / THE CITY OF DETROIT

WE'RE BASICALLY TIED WITH THE LIBERALS / ANYWHERE ELSE THIS'D BE IMPRESSIVE

DON'T YOU DARE TRUST THOSE CONSERVATIVES / LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF THEY DID LAST CENTURY

BIPOLE III WILL SOUR THE PUBLIC ON THE NDP / ANY SECOND NOW

MAYBE YOU COULD CLOSE YOUR EYES / AND PRETEND I'M JUSTIN TRUDEAU

NOT INVITED / TO DEBATES

I SWEAR TO GOD / THEY'LL PRIVATIZE

EVEN I'M TIRED / OF IAN RABB'S FACE

HELD AN EVENT WITH SHEILA COPPS / IT DREW ELEVEN PEOPLE

GET HAIR DONE LIKE DOCTOR WHO / VOTERS LOVE DOCTOR WHO

ARE YOU BOYS IN SOME KIND OF CLUB? / LET'S ALL GET A PICTURE TOGETHER!

EVERY DAY / I'M SHUFF-L-IN'

JOHN HARVARD / YOU DICK

HASSELRIIS / FOR MAYOR

STEVE, DID I TYPE THIS IN WRONG? / THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE OUR WEBSITE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "SMILE"? / I AM SMILING

THE LIBERAL PARTY CAUCUS MEETS DAILY / IN MY MIRROR

HAVE TO TIE GARY DOER TO F. SCOTT FITZGERALD / JUST TO GET SOME GOD DAMN MEDIA TIME

THEY WILL PEE / IN YOUR LAKE

THE SUN'S MOST TEPID ENDORSEMENT EVER / YEAH, THANKS

I'M A DOCTOR / NOT A MIRACLE WORKER

OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, WHO IS THIS / DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS
[ In conclusion: ]
OCTOBER 4th, MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD!!

...NO, COME ON, GO DO IT, JUST--OH, C'MONNNN